Houston’s Brian Cushing has come up with an excuse for a failed drug test so preposterous you’d think he teamed up with the old-time cartoon idiot, Stimpy…

The Houston Texans asked the NFL to reduce or rescind the four-game suspension given to star linebacker Brian Cushing on Monday, saying he has a unique medical condition stemming from something called overtrained athlete syndrome, according to the Associated Press.

Cushing described the condition after Monday morning’s practice. He said the syndrome can trigger hormonal spikes after breaks in training, explaining why he would have tested positive for a fertility drug last September — a drug he said he never took.

“I think that’s the final diagnosis we came up with,” he said, “and a lot of doctors have supported why this has happened.”

First things first, this is straight cow manure. Second, if Cushing is going to continue trying to conjure up excuses for failed tests, it might be in his best interest to have a chat with master con Frank Abagnale. Not familiar? Does ‘Catch Me if You Can’ ring a bell? The dude fraudulently worked as a pilot, college teaching assistant, doctor and attorney before being caught. That’s a mentor.

Raise your hand if you would want this man cutting into you? The Lakers’ Pau Gasol and ESPN’s Outside the Lines have teamed up to bring you an alter-ego horror movie.

I can only imagine how many freaked out patients there would be if that Yeti entered the room to perform surgery. In the words of the late Michael Jackson, “More propofol, please.”

Sweetheart, this is not football, it’s futbol. Isn’t the main, plain and stupid, rule in soccer to not use your hands? Apparently not in South Korea, as this wizard of a defender straight up fair catches the sphere.

Gotta say though, Germany’s Alexandra Popp pretty much nullifies any allowance of a celebration with a double pharaoh-pharaoh.

Tiger Woods is obviously battered mentally by his media-stalked scandal. It’s been almost a year since he’s won any golf event, and without his “mojo,” Woods has lost a great deal of confidence on the links.

Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse, Woods turns in a outrageously pedestrian 18-over, four-round performance at the Bridgestone Invitational – his worst tournament outing as a professional.

And anyone else notice Woods’ increasingly molester-like facial hair? In a university produced follicle-growth analysis, here’s what police should be looking for about ten months from now.

Hiroshima Toyo Carp’s Masato Akamatsu recently made one of the most preposterous catches you’ll ever see. No joke, this human Spider-Man imitates Isuro Tanaka’s wall-scaling grab in Major League II to perfection.

As for the best Japanese baseball catches all-time, this one even tops a very special robbery at Nishinomiya Stadium on Sept. 16, 1981.